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Just A Poor Lamb Who Lost His Way
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Published: September 27, 2008
Just how sleazy is Florida U.S. Rep. Tom Feeney, R-Where's Mine?
I've only written the first sentence to this column and already I want to take a shower.
Someday, when the ultimate history is written of unctuous, disingenuous, ethically challenged pols, Feeney, R-Why Yes, I'll Have Another, may well claim the dubious distinction of being a sort of one-man walking Tammany Hall-lite meets Eddie Haskell.
Feeney, R-Brown Bag? What Brown Bag? is currently running for a fourth term in Washington, which might suggest those poor, unsuspecting folks in the 24th Congressional District are more clueless than a sack of anvils.
Since 2002, Washington's answer to Kato Kaelin has blithely skipped to re-election, until this year when the Republican congressman actually found himself in a neck-and-neck race for his political survival against Democrat Suzanne Kosmas.
Darth Feeney?
One would think that when a public servant has been named one of the most corrupt members of the United States Congress by an organization called CREW (Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington), that's hardly the sort of thing one would expect to see on a yard sign.
"Tom Feeney - Conniving To Be No. 1!"
A big chunk of Feeney's slimy reputation stems from a golfing junket he took to Scotland shortly after taking office, courtesy of now disgraced and imprisoned lobbyist from hell Jack Abramoff. Cue the Darth Vader theme.
The St. Andrews soiree, along with a number of freebie trips in violation of House rules, have dogged Feeney, R-Room Service, since the day he put his left hand on the Bible, raised his right hand and said, "Club Med, here I come!"
And now it appears Feeney's holidays might be in jeopardy, which obviously explains why "I'm Tommy, Fly Me!" decided to air an incredibly bizarre commercial.
Naive Waif?
Sitting in a homey setting at a breakfast table, a cup of something nearby, Feeney, R-Pinocchio, looks into the camera and essentially admits to being a complete dope, apologizing for taking the $20,000 trip to Scotland and insisting his lack of scruples was nothing more than a mere "rookie mistake" committed by a naive waif unfamiliar with the ways of Washington.
This doesn't even rise to the level of spin. It's all a cesspool of lies - told with the straight face of man who makes Jon Lovitz's congenital liar character Tommy Flanagan look like George Washington.
Rookie?? Oh really, Mr. Feeney, R-The Blue Danube?
Tom Feeney was first elected to the Florida House in 1990. In 1994, he served as Jeb Bush's running mate in a losing campaign against Gov. Lawton Chiles. By 1996, Feeney was back in the House.
In 2000, Tom Feeney, R-Tennis Anyone? was elevated to become the powerful speaker of the Florida House. Now he is playing his constituents for chumps in claiming that simply because he was a new member of the U.S. House, he didn't grasp rules of ethics, the insidious influence of lobbyists and, more pointedly - a simple understanding of right and wrong.
That would be a bit like a hooker insisting she didn't understand her end of the deal after the money's been paid.
Keyword: Book of Ruth, to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog.
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