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What You See Is What You Get

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By SHERRI ACKERMAN

sackerman@tampatrib.com

Published: February 14, 2009

TAMPA - "How old are you?" fires Nancy Nolan Huhta at the handsome, blond gentleman seated across from her.

"Uh," No. 606 stumbles nervously. "How old do you think I am?"

"Ugh!" Huhta thinks to herself, peering across the candlelit table.

Next!

"Do you smoke?" she quizzes another bachelor.

"What?" he replies. "Pot?"

Next!

By night's end, the 58-year-old divorced mother of six will "date" 19 men at Westchase's trendy Bellisimo Ristorante and pick nine possibles for coffee or, maybe, more.

Eight will accept.

One just might steal her heart.

In an era where everything seems to happen online, Huhta is among a local group of singles looking for love the old-fashioned way - which in today's texting, twittering, MySpacing world might as well be speed-dating.

The idea took off more than a decade ago after a California rabbi organized double-time meet-ups for Jews in search of that special someone within their religion. The concept has since moved to the Internet, where one can chat up a roster of potential love-interests via live-stream video.

The Place To Be

But diehard romantics sold on the fairy tale that sparks fly only when eyes meet have made the Westchase Singles Club's speed-date nights the place to be. They started four years ago with about 90 people. Now the club hosts four or five a year, each geared toward an age group, with about 35 to 40 potential mates at each event.

While online sites like e-Harmony.com and Match maker.com report dramatic increases in users due to the belly-up economy (apparently, misery loves company), old-school speed-dating is enjoying a resurgence in popularity, says Joe Tracy, editor of Online Dating Magazine.

"The great thing about speed-dating is that you are actually sitting down with that person," Tracy says. "And you can meet 20, 30, 40 people in one evening."

"What you see is what you get," adds Jim O'Brien, the divorced and retired co-creator of Westchase Singles Club, one of the largest in the Tampa Bay area with nearly 2,000 members.

Its speed-date events work like this: The singles gather at Bellisimo's and chat face-to-face for four minutes. Time's up when a bell rings, and the men move to the next table and a new woman.

Participants keep a "pick sheet," where they log identification numbers and circle YES or NO. First names only. No phone numbers, please. Afterward, everyone mingles over an Italian meal. O'Brien tabulates the matching picks, and, three days later, e-mails each person a list of hopefuls.

It works, Tracy says, because "you get a lot more information when you're seeing someone in person. It helps make better judgments."

Some people may end up without a match, O'Brien warns. It's rare, but he tries to be positive.

"It just wasn't right," he says to soothe disappointed members.

Others get too many dates. During a recent event, a woman netted 12 matches - a club record.

Each speed-dating event targets a particular age group. This month's, by popular demand, was for 40 members age 53 and up. It sold out at $31 a pop in five hours for women, six weeks for men.

That's pretty typical, says O'Brien, who has been known to call up some of the fellas and coax them into attending.

Older men tend to want younger women - until they learn, says O'Brien, who stops short of revealing his own age. Women aren't immune to this, either, he adds. Of the club's 1,830 members ages 34 to 79, he calculates that 60 percent are looking for someone younger; 40 percent want someone older.

Trust him; it usually works better if people look for someone close to their age.

Speed-dating and online dating attract professionals, busy people with little time to mingle and make new friends. Their popularity is a direct result of our social climate, the "I don't have time to make friends, let alone date!" culture, says Elizabeth Bird, an anthropology professor at the University of South Florida.

They also aren't bound so much by location or conventional methods of meeting prospective mates at nightclubs or churches.

While there may seem to be more possibilities in these quick, mass introductions, people are short-circuiting more conventional methods that might allow them more time for human contact.

It also can limit our exposure to pure randomness, which sometimes can have delightful results, Bird says.

Tracking Members' Success

But there might be a silver lining to this way of finding love: People can be very selective about what they want in a mate, and that may bode well for more successful relationships.

In India and elsewhere, arranged marriages tend to last because the partners are compatible, Bird says. Perhaps if we all met our future spouses this way, there would be fewer divorces.

O'Brien, a former salesman, relishes tracking the speed-date successes in his group. It takes close to four years to meet Mr. or Ms. Right, he says, and the events have produced at least a handful of marriages.

Many members have their first date at Bellisimo, notes chef Jeanine Barbino.

The eatery has even hosted five Westchase Singles' weddings, boasts hostess Kathy Muggleworth. "Isn't that nice?"

Speed-dating sure sounded promising to Nancy Huhta after months without a nibble from a Tampa-based match-maker service she shelled out big bucks for last year. And she definitely prefers meeting someone in person rather than online. Less opportunity for deceivers, like the online prospect who told 5-foot-7 Huhta he was taller than that - but the top of his head barely grazed her chin.

Huhta isn't necessarily looking for the perfect mate - the Realtor would be happy with the perfect date. She starts working through her eight recent matches, going out with Dick on Tuesday.

"Too short," she says. "No, correction; I am too tall."

Apparently, Huhta missed that because the two did their four minutes seated.

Next is Larry, the first guy Huhta met. Then Bob on Friday. Huhta hopes she can remember a week later why she liked them because it's hard telling them "No."

Tonight, she'll take a break - no dates for her on Valentine's Day. "That would be too embarrassing," she admits.

Instead, she plans to see the movie "He's Not That Into You" - alone.

Researcher Stephanie Pincus contributed to this report. Reporter Sherri Ackerman can be reached at (813) 259-7144.

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