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Workshop Takes Swing At Bullying

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By TOM JACKSON tjackson

@tampatrib.com

Published: February 25, 2009

In literature, pop culture and actual life, few moments satisfy like the big bully getting what's coming to him, or her. This would explain everything from the enduring appeal of David's felling of Goliath to the righteous pleasure of seeing repeat apprentice Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, the 21st century phenomenon, fired twice by Donald Trump.

The problem is that regular folks cannot rely on similar deus ex machina resolutions in their encounters with such malefactors. Indeed, at the risk of overquoting John Kennedy's inaugural address, bullying presents another situation in which, "on Earth, God's work must truly be our own."

This is where Kaye Randall, a Columbia, S.C.-based therapist, licensed social worker, author ("Mean Girls," YouthLight, 2007) and nationally-recognized authority on bullying's multiple facets enters. Randall has a pair of presentations scheduled at Centennial Middle School as part of its campaign against bullying behavior.

Centennial invites the public for Randall's first talk, set for 7 p.m. Thursday in the cafeteria.

"It's a parents' workshop," Randall says. "We'll be doing some educating" aimed at helping adults help their kids.

Friday morning, it's the students' turn.

Bullying's Telltale Signs
While broadly dissecting the bullying dynamic, Randall may, for her audience, recall a Discovery Channel zoologist describing the interplay of rival species relying on the same watering hole. Identify the players: perpetrators, targets and enablers, what Randall calls "bystanders." It is they, these nearby observers, Randall says, who frequently hold the key for defusing the toxic relationships between bullies and the bullied.

Here's what bullying behavior looks like in boys: They shove, punch, kick and otherwise physically intimidate. Here's how girls bully: They isolate, degrade, taunt and spread rumors. See the differences?

Bystanders can intervene, gently escorting targets from harm's way.

Randall will describe telltale signs that suggest a youngster is a target, a predator or even a bystander. Look for grades suddenly sagging; a spate of stomachaches, headaches or other indecipherable illnesses; or otherwise unexplained moroseness or secrecy.

She'll lay out strategies for prevention, intervention and resolution - including ways of dealing with the recent phenomenon of cyberbullying - Internet harassment that, despite spectacular publicity surrounding the case of a St. Louis middle school girl hounded to suicide by, among others, the mother of the dead girl's classmate, continues virtually unabated, urged on by anonymity - a pseudonym for cowardice.

A phrase, courtesy of Randall, with which parents of school-age children want to become familiar is key-logger software. Just knowing you have it helps keep some would-be bullies honest and prevents targets from succumbing to the escalation that leads to the precipice of no return.

Nobody's Rite Of Passage

Like dollar weed and love bugs, we may never wipe out bullying utterly. The good news, says Randall, a determined sower of wildflowers, is that where alertness prevails, the causes and effects are eminently treatable.

Happily, alertness is on the rise. As increasing numbers of state legislatures come onboard - Florida did last year - with antibullying statutes, the traditional notion of bullying as a nearly inevitable, possibly necessary, rite of passage has never seemed more anachronistic or misguided.

Not a moment too soon.

Tom Jackson can be reached at (813) 948-4219.

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