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RELAX, BE HAPPY

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It's easy to be proud of the big moments, but the best are the ones that catch you by surprise.

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By DONNA KOEHN

dkoehn@tampatrib.com

Published: January 8, 2009

Updated: 01/09/2009 01:57 pm

We put a lot on our kids during their final two years of high school, especially for those planning to continue their education.

As colleges become vastly more competitive and money becomes tighter, we dangle the Bright Futures scholarship before them as a tangible, attainable goal. Numerous Advanced Placement classes are a must. The SAT looms like a trip to the gallows. They need to keep track of community service hours, at least 75. If they can tackle a special project - backpacks for homeless kids or a summer doing missionary work - they'll stand out during the college admissions process.

Even with all that pressure, they're still teenagers, worrying about who they'll eat lunch with next semester, trying to figure out new romantic feelings, wondering whether they'll ever be confident enough in their driving to hit the highway.

My daughter, a high school senior, received a welcome payoff for her hard work when she learned early in the year that she has been accepted at her No. 1 choice - the University of South Florida - with a nice scholarship to boot. She has to maintain her grades, of course, but that should be easy enough for her. She's a perfectionist who wouldn't let them slip even if they didn't count.

As an accomplished worry wart, I've fretted that she was working far too hard. A typical day sees her helping out with middle school orchestra students, then practicing her violin and doing schoolwork up until bedtime. I never worked that hard as a student, not even in college.

After school let out for the Christmas holidays, our family took a trip to Universal Studios in Orlando. It was a break we all needed, but especially, I think, my daughter.

My husband and kids are roller coaster fanatics. I'm the family bag-holder and coat closet. I know all the benches by the coaster exits by heart.

One day, my son and husband decided to go back to our hotel early, with plans to return to the parks after dark. They (apparently accurately) predicted that riding The Hulk roller coaster at night would be mind-blowing. (To me, barf-inducing is more like it).

My daughter and I decided to stay at the park for a little longer that afternoon.

Suddenly there was no pressure to race to the next coaster. We ambled along, looking at decorations and shopping at the gift stores. We rode the gentle E.T. ride, and took in a couple of shows we'd never seen in our past, coaster-manic trips.

Parents know there are going to be the Big Moments when we feel that rush of air in the chest, that breath-catching moment of pride in our kids: Graduation night. Wedding day. Predictable moments during competitions, from childhood on.

The best, I think, are those moments that catch you by surprise. For me, one of those came during the "Animal Actors on Location" show, of all places.

The orangutan on stage was funny, and when I turned to look at my daughter, she was laughing without self-consciousness, totally and completely at ease and happy. No AP tests weighing on her. SAT a slam dunk. No more college essays to write.

No worries about whether she was good enough.

I thought: What a beautiful person she is and what a wonderful woman she is becoming. How proud I am of her. How bright her future really is.

She looked at me and we shared the laugh.

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