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It's No Accident: Kids Will Get The Potty Habit

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Whether by seeing their friends use the potty, or just on their own, your kids will be potty-trained soon enough.

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By SHERRI ACKERMAN | The Tampa Tribune

Published: January 8, 2009

We were about to dive into a Cappy's pizza recently when my 2-1/2-year-old son announced to the table, "Mommy, I'm pooping!"

It happens so frequently, I don't blush anymore when people within earshot wince. Like the kids book says, "Everyone Poops."

But not everyone can manage the feat on the potty - yet.

I thought my son was ready about a year ago, shortly before his sister was born. He gave bulletins on when he went and what he did, and showed great interest in the toilet ... well, flushing it.

I took that as a sign: time to buy a potty chair.

He loved sitting on his Elmo chair. It even talked to him in that famous high-pitched (and somewhat eerie) voice, "Elmo uses the potty!"

He went on the potty a few times - by accident. No matter, I had visions of big-boy underwear and about $35 in savings each month dancing in my head. Unfortunately, the novelty wore off, and I was back to clipping diaper coupons.

It's a common rookie mistake, known as The Great Fake Out.

Sometime around 18 months old, children grow aware of their bodily functions, says Tampa psychotherapist Sandra Seeger, aka the Potty Whisperer. But they're not really ready to be diaper-free.

Often the potty patter spurs parents to start toilet training their kids. And for many, says Seeger, they will be "training" for the next year.

"They got sucked into the 18-month fake out," says the licensed counselor, who is not only certified but, even more impressive, the mother of two children who have pooped on the potty for years.

Wait until the child is actually ready - about 2 1/2 years old for girls and 3 for boys, Seeger says - and you can have a potty-trained progeny in fewer than four days. (Maybe a few months longer for nighttime.)

Can it really be that simple?

"My son was potty trained in a week," swears Shannon Christaldi, co-founder of the popular Web site www.babynewsbits.com and a mother of two who signed up for Seeger's seminar last summer.

Inside the Baby Bungalow, a Tampa facility that offers parenting classes and other programs that promote children's well-being, Seeger revealed her secrets for success to a packed house.

No. 1 - Wait until your child is really ready to use the potty. Every child is different, Seeger says, so pay attention to the clues:

Hiding behind furniture or in the corner when soiling a diaper;

Announcing the need to go before he or she goes, not when going;

Asking to use the toilet, which is almost as endearing, I imagine, as that first "Ma-ma."

No. 2 - Don't wait until the last minute to train. If your child's day care has a deadline for diapers, plan ahead and schedule three to four days for uninterrupted training.

"Really set time aside," Seeger says.

She advises parents to stay home as much as possible, pull a potty chair into the room where the family spends the most time, and let toddlers run around in the least amount of clothing if not naked (depending on the weather, of course).

Remind the child to use the potty but, rest assured, there will be accidents. Seeger used to advocate letting children clean up their own messes, but now she believes it's better to not make such a big deal out of it. Sooner rather than later, your child will figure it out.

When he or she does, offer rewards like M&Ms: Seeger suggests doling out three for success and one for attempts, or small toys. But be sure your little one knows the rewards are temporary. Fill a small jar with M&Ms. When the candy is gone, that's it, Seeger says.

Christaldi and two other friends decided to start training their toddlers at the same time this past summer. They organized play dates during the week where the kids ran around in their underwear and took turns using the potty.

"It's the power of suggestion with kids," Christaldi says.

And it worked for all three moms, er, toddlers. Christaldi's 31/2-year-old son is diaper-free by day and wearing a pull-up only at night.

Not everyone follows Seeger's techniques to a T. Christaldi let her son pick toys from Target's dollar bin, then she handed them out each time he used the potty.

Her Web site partner, Licette Lover, didn't like having set days to train her son or having him run around naked.

"I didn't like the idea of forcing the issue," says Lover, whose husband has a doctorate in child psychology. With their son, "We wanted to wait until he was emotionally and physically ready."

When his classmates at preschool started wearing underwear, Lover's son wanted to, as well. Within a few months, Lover's son's preschool teacher told her he was using the potty regularly.

"It will happen," says Lover, whose 2-year-old daughter already is showing an interest in the potty.

Second children tend to be easier, Seeger says.

"Relax," she likes to remind parents. "Your child won't be walking down the aisle in diapers."

Learning To Go

You, too, can potty train your kid in three to four days (or so the experts say) using these tried-and-true techniques:

Wait until your child is old enough to follow directions. The ideal age, according to psychotherapist Sandra Seeger, is 2 1/2 for girls and 3 for boys.

Look for toilet readiness - hiding in the corner or behind furniture while soiling diaper; announcing bowel movements BEFORE before they occur; having the ability to pull up pants and underwear; watching parents' bathroom habits; asking to use the toilet.

Pick three to four consecutive days devoted to training. Buy dolls, videos and books to while away the time on the potty.

Don't wait until the last minute (i.e. preschool is starting next week) to begin.

Don't shame, scold or humiliate children while training. If they have an accident, just clean it up and move on.

Stay calm.

Don't make your child fearful.

Remember toilet training is a skill that takes lots of practice.

Don't get discouraged. If your child isn't responding to training, stop and try again in three to four months.

Other books on the subject:
"Keys to Toilet Training" by Meg Zwieback (Barron's Educational Series, $8.99)

"Mommy I Have to Go Potty!: A Parent's Guide to Toilet Training" by Jan Faull (Parenting Press, $14.95)

"Potty Training for Dummies" by Dianne Stafford and Jennifer Shoquist, M.D. (For Dummies, $14.99)

"Toilet Training in Less than a Day" by Nathan H. Azrin and Richard M. Fox Foxx ($6.99, Pocket)

Sandra Seeger leads seminars on potty training and has a CD, "Toilet Training Tips," that sells for $9. For information, call her at (813) 205-8834. Seeger is a licensed mental health counselor and psychotherapist with a private practice that focuses on children and adults. She is the past president of the Tampa Bay Association for Women Psychotherapists and sits on the board of Kathy's Place.

Reporter Sherri Ackerman can be reached at (813) 259-7144.

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