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Watch Your Behavior; The Police Are

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By STEVE OTTO

sotto@tampatrib.com

Published: January 27, 2009

So there you are in an Ybor City parking lot trying to force a dollar bill into that slot in the self-pay machine, and the dollar won't go in.

After a few minutes of this you get frustrated, turn red, start foaming at the mouth and finally begin kicking the box. Suddenly you are surrounded and taken to the ground as black helicopters circle overhead and SWAT teams surround the self-pay machine.

Normally, nobody would pay much attention to a malfunctioning pay box. That's just an everyday occurrence around here, and nobody cares. But not this week.

This being Super Bowl week (or haven't you heard?), the Tampa police have brought in a special unit from the Transportation Security Administration known as Behavior Detection Officers. Trained by the Transportation Security Administration, these are 70 specialized officers trained to pick people out of a crowd.

Just Don't Sweat

There are a lot of suspicious-looking people in town this week, and it is going to take some real experts to pick them out of a crowd.

Gary Milano, who is the federal security director for the Transportation Security Administration, said these officers don't have the power to arrest but are "allowed to approach a person for a chat to determine whether there is a need for concern." The officers evaluate behavior on a point system. "Each behavior, such as profuse sweating, could be innocent on its own but raises eyebrows when coupled with other behaviors."

I suppose that means if, say, you just flew in from Pittsburgh and you've rented a car and are pulling out of the airport at rush hour and all of a sudden there are roads going in six directions and you seem to be on one headed for Clearwater, it is possible you might start sweating profusely - especially if you are being tailgated and really don't want to swerve across three lanes.

Whatever you do, don't pull over and try to ask directions. It could be a behavior detection officer disguised in a T-shirt, shorts and green Crocs trying to look like a local. Just keep driving. Clearwater's not a bad place to be this week. Besides, if you are from Pittsburgh, you'll probably think it's warm enough to hit the beach.

Chips Ahoy

One of the great things about the Super Bowl is the opportunity it offers to unload useless information even trivia buffs are pressed to remember. This year it is the Hass Avocado Board out of California.

The Super Bowl apparently is one of the pinnacles of guacamole consumption in America, and the board wants to draw a picture of how much chip and dip that is. This year, they point out that the amount includes "Enough avocados to cover Tampa's Raymond James Stadium football field, end zone to end zone, 17.8 feet deep."

Not only is that a lot of guacamole, Floridians need to be concerned that they are talking about California avocados here and not Florida avocados, sometimes called alligator pears because of their smooth green skin. I tried to contact someone in charge of Florida avocados, most of which are grown in South Florida, but nobody called back, which might be part of the problem.

On the other hand, The New York Times reported two weeks ago that the California Avocado Commission is in hot water for questionable use of expense accounts.

According to a report, the commission has about $300,000 in "dubious expenses" including season tickets to sporting events, clothing bills and gym memberships.

And who knows how much they spent on chips.

Keyword: Otto Graphs, for more of Steve Otto's musings.

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