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Sex Addiction Not So Funny

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Published: January 31, 2009

As addictions go, sex is the one you can still make fun of without a pinch from the PC police.

Even health experts and therapists are divided as to its existence; sex addiction is not recognized by the psychiatric bible, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders. Still, an estimated 3 to 5 percent of the population voluntarily seek treatment for sexual compulsion. Sex Addicts Anonymous has 900 chapters worldwide

Also, bed-hopping sex addicts pop up on prime time television shows such as "Nip/Tuck" or in the much-publicized real life sex addiction treatment of David Duchovny, who happens to play a serial adulterer on Showtime's "Californication."

"It's not about liking sex or being sexual a lot or what kind of sex a person might choose," says Anne McBean, a psychologist and therapist at the Program in Human Sexuality at the University of Minnesota Medical School. "It's about having an obsessive and driven relationship with sex, constantly telling yourself you're not going to do this anymore but you do it, with repeated negative consequences that most people would learn from and adjust their behavior."

Stereotypes of sex addicts fall into three categories, she says: "fools, like Sam on 'Cheers'; slobbering freaks; or monsters - the sex offenders."

In reality, the men McBean treats are often devoted husbands and fathers, well thought of at work, including doctors, professors, lawyers and plumbers. Many fear being shunned and having their children taken away, she says.

Two new memoirs, Susan Cheever's "Desire: Where Sex Meets Addiction" and Rachel Resnick's "Love Junkie," also show that a growing number of women - including those 40 and older - see themselves as sex addicts.

"Most women we see come from more troubled backgrounds than the men," McBean said. "It's more acceptable for women to be compulsive with food or shopping, but with sex, the condemnation is universal: She's a slut. For a man, it's 'Boys will be boys,' or 'What a man!'"

Men are more likely to engage in obsessive activities that don't require a real-life partner, such as looking at porn on the Internet, she said.

"The way women act out sexually tends to be more partner-oriented, like meeting up with men they talk to on chat lines. They are more likely to understand that what they're doing is searching for love, but there's also that sense of emotional high along with sex that men also feel."

Minneapolis Star Tribune

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