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Caution: men out of work, in crisis

Tribune photo by CLIFF McBRIDE

Colin Flood, 51, says his age works against him in his job search. "I go for a waiter job, and there's some young chickie-poo who's going to get the job instead," he says.

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By DONNA KOEHN

dkoehn@tampatrib.com

Published: June 28, 2009

TAMPA - Since losing his job in March, Colin Flood, a longtime technical writer, does odd jobs for friends in exchange for lunch.

He's grateful, but he itches to get back to the work he loves.

"My family and friends have tried to be helpful, but it's devastating," the Temple Terrace man says. "I should be at my peak earning potential, in a stable career. Now I'm waiting on unemployment."

Men have been clobbered by the economy, suffering 82 percent of the jobs lost in the current recession.

For many it is a crushing blow, and not just to the wallet.

"Men are used to fulfilling the masculine ideal that has been ingrained in them that if they do things the right way, they will be rewarded," says Marie Gray, a psychologist in Pennsylvania, a state slightly better off than Florida, which has an abysmal 10.2 percent unemployment rate.

"Many of them feel at a total loss," says Gray, who specializes in trauma studies at Misericordia University in Dallas, Pa. "They feel powerless, stuck, useless, hopeless - and many feel great shame."

Sometimes compounding the emotional turmoil, the women in their lives are hanging on to their jobs, albeit at lesser pay. For the first time, women are poised to surpass the number of men in the workplace. Lost jobs are concentrated in male-dominated areas such as construction and manufacturing, while women's work in education and the service sector has been spared.

Additionally, as companies attempt to stem hemorrhaging bottom lines, they lob off higher-paid executives and professionals, who are more likely to be men. Women's jobs are often part-time and low-paying, with few or no benefits.

Housework and heartache

The shift in gender roles at a time when men already are hurting can lead to strife at home.

"I was on a rocky road with my previous girlfriend," Flood says. "She blasted me when I was laid off, and thinks I'm a failure."

Even when women are the sole breadwinners, they are likely to remain responsible for most for the housework and child care, which can lead to resentment.

According to the government's recently released American Time Use Survey, when women are unemployed and looking for a job, the time they spend taking care of children nearly doubles.

But unemployed men's child care duties are virtually identical to those of working men, and they spend more time sleeping, watching TV and looking for a job, the survey revealed.

"It has definitely put a strain" on her marriage, says Debbie Harlan, an executive assistant in Sarasota. This year, her husband closed his independent car sales business, and the couple have been asking their children to help with bills.

"So far we've worked through it, but there have been times when I wasn't sure we could."

Dean Skinner of Tampa, who was laid off in November from his job as an office equipment installer, says he would feel guilty if he didn't pitch in around the house. His wife makes good money in sales, and he says it's the least he can do.

"I feel bad enough as it is," he says. "Thank God for her."

Even with her support, he often wakes up in the wee hours in a panic.

"It's in my dreams at night," he says. "I don't know if this is a recession or a depression, but I can tell you it makes you depressed."

He keeps in touch with his buddies who were laid off with him. If one gets a temporary job, he tries to get the others hired, too.

Fear of unemployment

Tampa therapist Janet McAfee says her unemployed clients often blame the economy, which helps negate a sense of personal failure.

"The men who still are working are really concerned about losing their jobs," she says. "They talk a lot about whether they should start looking for another one. This anxiety is affecting their personal lives."

Some men who remain employed do their best to become the model employee, trying to make themselves indispensable, says Arthur Goldsmith, a professor of economics at Washington and Lee University in Virginia.

Many of them are devoted employees, who now must worry about how to provide for children and whether they will be able to retire.

"Fear of unemployment can be one of the most damaging," he writes. "When these people eventually lose their jobs, you can only imagine the deep psychological impact if they've really given their all and were very committed."

He says highly educated men are most likely to blame themselves for job loss rather than attributing it to events out of their control.

Gray says construction workers and other blue-collar types also are hitting brick walls.

"One of my clients was a truck driver who lost his job," Gray says. "He had done everything he was supposed to do, but he's losing his home, his relationship fell apart. His entire belief system has just crumbled."

When he started out, a GED and a steady job were all he needed to make a good living and support a family. Not so anymore.

"The men who were in the work force for 20 to 40 years are competing against young grads, and some of the older men are just paralyzed with fear. There's a lot of grief and loss involved," she says.

Flood, who is 51, says his age works against him.

"I go for a waiter job, and there's some young chickie-poo who's going to get the job instead," he says.

Gray suggests that family and friends of unemployed people listen and offer support.

"Just telling them to suck it up is not going to help," she says. "Help them have hope; help them normalize this experience.

"Those without jobs need to realize that this is something wrong with the system, not with you."

Tribune researcher Buddy Jaudon contributed to this report. Information from The New York Times also was used. Reporter Donna Koehn can be reached at (813) 259-8264.

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