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Three Little Words: Happily Ever After

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By JIM BEAMGUARD

jbeamguard@tampatrib.com

Published: March 29, 2009

You probably went to school with children like Ashley Rhodes and had no idea what they were going through after class.

If you want to know, read the St. Petersburg woman's popular book, "Three Little Words." Sometimes chilling, sometimes infuriating, it is mostly inspirational because the reader has the advantage of knowing that Ashley turned out just fine.

The book chronicles her childhood in 14 homes in the Tampa area.

Now 23, Ashley Rhodes-Courter delivered the keynote address this month at the annual donor appreciation luncheon of the Community Foundation of Tampa Bay. She shared parts of her amazing story to reassure the crowd that their volunteer work and donations make huge differences in the lives of real people.

"I didn't believe in happily ever after," she says, and it's no wonder.

The state took custody of her at age 3 from her wayward mother, and for nine years she saw life as "an unexplained whirlwind."

Her book is the product of her memories and some 80,000 documents in her case file. She recalls foster parents who beat her, starved her, locked her outside and forced her to swallow hot sauce. Her younger brother spent time in "a congested baby farm." She lived with other foster children in rooms "as cramped as a submarine."

Her first morning at one home, she asked for a glass of milk and was rudely informed that the children drank from a garden hose in the backyard. She may have called her foster parents Mom and Dad, but she didn't always know their real names.

It's not the kind of life you would expect to produce someone as accomplished and self-confident as Rhodes-Courter. She graduated with honors from Eckerd College and is a motivational speaker and advocate for foster children. Her book is in its sixth printing and is coming out in paperback this summer.

Amid her life of constant moves, lost dolls and bewildering bureaucracy, a few wonderful things happened. One was meeting Mary Miller of Tampa, who became the girl's guardian ad litem and was an effective advocate.

"She did amazing things that transformed my life," Rhodes-Courter recalls. The girl who had 44 caseworkers, 23 attorneys and dozens of others officially involved at some point in her life was helped most by "the one person not paid to take care of me."

After Miller managed to clear away the legal obstacles to her adoption and Ashley moved to The Children's Home, she was adopted at age 12 by Phil and Gay Courter of Crystal River.

"I pushed every button," Rhodes-Courter recalls of the awkward and stressful transition to life in a permanent family. "I decided, 'They can't be having fun. They must want me around.'"

At the luncheon, Rhodes-Courter heard how the Community Foundation has given nearly $14 million to charities and has a new focus on at-risk youngsters. Among the many challenges of children in foster care, fewer than 2 percent will go on to earn four-year college degrees. Of the ones who leave state custody and are on their own at 18, about 25 percent are in jail by age 25.

The standing ovation she received was evidence of a commitment among the local philanthropic community to do more for children forced to follow her path.

Until Miller came along, Ashley had been treated more as a case file than as a little girl. One caseworker's report described her eyes as blue when they are unmistakably brown. The mistake symbolizes how alone she felt.

She told the foundation donors, "Every child deserves at least one person who knows the color of their eyes."

HOW TO HELP

Contact the Community Foundation at (813) 282-1975.

Jim Beamguard is a Tribune editorial writer.

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