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Stay Far Away From These Loser TV Shows

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By WALT BELCHER wbelcher

@tampatrib.com

Published: March 31, 2009

Three new programs debut tonight, and all of them are losers.

What are the odds of that? Pretty good, I'd say, considering the current state of television.

A reader recently scolded me for "wasting space" by writing about a stinker, but I say bad TV makes good copy. And it's my duty to warn fellow couch spuds about shows such as "Cupid," "Osbournes: Reloaded" and "Pretty Wicked."

'Cupid,' Take Back That Beau

The original "Cupid" was one of those series that critics loved and viewers ignored. It lasted only 15 episodes (1998-99).

It featured Jeremy Piven (before his "Entourage" fame) as a Chicago man who claimed to be the Roman god of love.

He told his therapist (Paula Marshall) that he couldn't go back to Mount Olympus until he brought 100 couples together. Was he crazy? Every week, he meddled in the lives of the romantically challenged while flirting with his shrink.

Some executives at ABC must have felt that "Cupid" was ahead of its time. So the original creator, Rob Thomas, was hired for a do-over that debuts at 10 tonight.

The new "Cupid" has the same premise, but it doesn't have Piven or Marshall (now on "Gary Unmarried").

Sadly, there's little fun in the remake and no chemistry between replacements Bobby Cannavale and Sarah Paulson. And where Piven came off as glib and charming, Cannavale comes off as smarmy.

Unloading On 'Reloaded'
Sharon Osbourne says viewers expecting a "good old traditional variety show might wanna change the channel" should they happen to land on "Osbournes: Reloaded" on Fox tonight.

Here's a better suggestion: "American Idol" fans should immediately change the channel before the Osbourne train wreck arrives at the odd time of 9:20 tonight (an attempt to snare the "Idol" faithful).

From 2002 to 2005, the Osbournes - aging rocker Ozzy, his bossy wife, Sharon, and addled offspring Jack and Kelly - had a hit on MTV.

"The Osbournes" was the first of what has become a whole sub-genre of reality shows on which cameras record the day-to-day lives of the rich, freakish and famous.

The Osbournes begat things such as "Keeping Up With the Kardashians," "Hogan Knows Best," "Denise Richards: It's Complicated" and so on and so on.

This time around, Ozzy's clan fronts a variety show "Osbourne style," which is nowhere near as much fun as, say, "Sonny and Cher."

Fox sent out a sample reel with segments that included the Osbournes working at a drive-in fast-food restaurant where Ozzy tossed food at customers.

Another skit featured child actors playing Ozzy and Sharon as foulmouthed brats and "Osbournes Meet the Osbournes" had them traveling cross-country to meet other Osbourne families. Ozzy and Kelly also performed musical numbers. It was painful to watch.

Fox has ordered five more of these, but no air dates have been set.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Oxygen Network's new competitive reality series "Pretty Wicked" pits 10 attractive, egotistical and self-proclaimed divas against one another in a test of "inner beauty."

This also was the theme of ABC's recent "True Beauty," but "Wicked" takes bad taste to a new low. The contestants don't realize how shallow they are. And they don't care.

The first challenge (10 tonight on Oxygen) involves hosting a cocktail party for blind men, which is wrong on so many levels.

TUNE IN TONIGHT

"Killer Stress: A National Geographic Special," 9 p.m., PBS

America was stressed-out before the economy went in the tank, so look at this show as a national health warning.

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