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It's getting tough to find a win for Bucs

By MARTIN FENNELLY | The Tampa Tribune

Published: October 28, 2009

Your take on the Bucs' win at Seattle?

It's like buying a "Where's Waldo" book without a Waldo in it.

Who, oh, who, will the Bucs beat this season?

It's the bye week, a time for reflection, if not healing.

I've been reflecting like crazy on the 2009 schedule for pert near three hours, looking at the nine games remaining in this festival of darkness, trying to decide which team will wear the helmet of shame and lose to the Raheem Team.

I don't think the 0-16 Detroit Lions get enough credit for their magical 2008.

But two winnable Bucs games have already been lost, to Washington and Carolina.

This season has become like balloon boy's balloon.

It's floating away, filled only with air.

Where, oh, where, is the win?

There are seven teams left on the schedule, and four have winning records. More ominous, there are two games apiece with the Saints (6-0) and Falcons (4-2).

More ominous still, there are no gift matchups with the league's other trash, like the Rams (0-7), Titans (0-7), Lions (1-5), Browns (1-6), Chiefs (1-6) or Raiders (2-5).

Meanwhile, the Rams play the Lions this Sunday, and the Rams play the Titans, and the Browns play the Lions, and the Chiefs play the Browns, and the Raiders play the Browns and the Chiefs play the Raiders. Some bad teams have all the luck.

That said, let's rank the remaining nine Bucs games from least winnable to most winnable, 9 for least winnable, 1 most winnable.

By the way, I pulled out all the stops and got bonus analysis and commentary for this from none other than Tribune staffer and all-around Bucs historian Joey Johnston, who in his lifetime has seen -- and chronicled -- the very worst the Bucs have had to offer. In 1995, Joey also spearheaded, as I recall, a 308-page special section commemorating Bucs great Lee Roy Selmon's induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame that was so thorough that Lee Roy himself found out, only by reading it, that one of his legs was shorter than the other. Joey also drew up a list of every quarterback ever sacked by Lee Roy and every offensive lineman who ever tried to block Lee Roy. We worry about Joey sometimes.

Joey is excited about these last nine games, especially the throwback game with Green Bay. He might need a head-and-neck restraint for that one.

Now back to the schedule, least to most winnable.

Joey's opening comment: "Actually, none of them are really winnable."

Onward.

9) Dec. 27, at New Orleans: Do the words "War Crimes Tribunal" ring a bell? The Saints might be trying to lock up home field throughout the playoffs. Drew Brees might go Pop Warner on the Bucs. Joey Comment: "Could be monstrous beat down if Saints properly aroused."

8) Nov. 22, New Orleans: Most seasons, I'd give the Bucs a reasonable shot to beat a division opponent at home, but this isn't most seasons. More troubling still: Bucs historically have observed 60 minutes of silence on the anniversary of John F. Kennedy's assassination, going 1-3 all time. Joey comment: "Name that score."

7) Dec. 20, at Seattle: The Seahawks (2-4) are quite mediocre, but still play on the Bucs' least favorite coast, though the Super Bowl worked out. Throw in the fact that they're 1-5 in games played 28 days after the anniversary of John F. Kennedy's assassination. Joey's comment: "West Coast trip week before Christmas."

6) Nov. 29, at Atlanta: Any team with "at" before it spells trouble. The Bucs played division-winning Falcons very tough last December before falling in OT. The Falcons are chasing the Saints, and might be even further behind if they lose at New Orleans this Monday night, and could take it out on the Bucs. Joey comment: "Post-Thanksgiving blues, but Bucs still a turkey."

5) Dec 6, at Carolina: Antonio Bryant made his famed diving one-handed grab here last season. The Panthers also rushed for 900 yards to start a Bucs slide that breathes more fire with each passing week. Thing is, with that awful start, and last Sunday's loss to Buffalo, the Panthers might be out of it pretty soon , so you never know, they might just rush for 800 yards.

4) Nov. 15, at Miami: The Dolphins also can run the ball. See Ronnie run. Run, Ronnie, run. I still think the Bucs can take them if Jason Taylor doesn't sack Josh -- Johnson or Freeman -- too much and the Bucs pierce Miami's defense like Brees did. Did I just say "Like Brees did"? Joey comment: "Shorter trip than London."

3) Jan. 3, Atlanta: This one could move up the charts to more winnable if the Falcons have either clinched a playoff spot or are out of it, seeing as it's the last game of the regular season, or if everything goes wrong for the Bucs and they're 0-15 -- then this becomes the big one, the last stop before the abyss. They'll throw everything into it. "Last game of year. Falcons will be playing scrubs." I say scrubs by 10.

2) Dec 13, Jets: It will probably be the Bucs rookie quarterback against Jets rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez. I circled this as one of the Bucs' four wins, though I had at Washington and Carolina here circled, too. Joey comment: "Rookie quarterback Sanchez. Bucs will be beyond desperate."

1) Nov. 8, Green Bay: You heard me. The odds seem stacked against the Bucs next game. They'll be running out at Raymond James Stadium at 0-7 and wearing their 1976 creamsicle uniforms -- and Freeman might be (should be) making his first NFL start, and there will doubtless be thousands of Packers fans around, like the bad old days. That is precisely why the Bucs … WILL WIN! Remember, the Packers host the Vikings and the Great Satan Brett Favre this Sunday at Lambeau Field. If Green Bay wins, imagine the emotional letdown after such a victory, and coming into the heat, with the Bucs coming off a bye, with two weeks to get ready, and their mother will make the costumes, and they can use the big barn out back!

Joey and I disagreed on some of these rankings.

He had the Packers as the fifth least winnable game.

Joey comment: "Bucs have lost eight of last nine games to Packers while wearing orange."

We worry about Joey sometimes.

By the way, Sunday I like the Lions over the Rams.

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