Eyeball sushi, life-size gummy brain are the reason for the spooky season

Time again for my annual power rankings of the scariest Halloween candy on store shelves.

As I stated last year, Halloween without some element of danger is a waste of time. (Minus the mythical razor blade in the apple, of course.)

I am weary of cute, peanut butter pumpkins. Is there anyone who can enjoy a Hello Kitty lollipop? You know, beyond the people on neighborhood watch lists.

I have again gone in search of candy only a vampire could love. And not one of those pasty-faced, pretty boy, pucker-lipped, emo blood suckers, either.

My favorites for 2010 and their gross-out factors on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being vomitworthy):

•Butcher's Choice Body Parts Platter ($3.99, Walgreens)

For the grotesque connoisseur who craves variety, this party platter offers an assortment of gummy eyeballs, severed ears and amputated fingers with simulated blood. Perfect for parties. In hell.

Gross-out factor: 5

•Gummy Eyeball Sushi ($1.99, Walgreens)

From a strictly culinary standpoint, it's alarming how close the creator of this ghoulish treat came to the essence of the Japanese culinary art form. The term sushi translates to "It's sour." (Funny, I always though it meant, "It's expensive.") Oh, sure, they're eyeballs, but their gelatinous zombie-green-and-bloodshot-red forms aren't far from a plate of actual nigiri. The sour apple "candy sushi sauce" completes the faux fish feast.

Gross-out factor: 5

••Take-Out Gummy Fried Noodle & Eyeball With Candy Sauce ($1.99, Walgreens)

Staying with the scary-Asian theme, imagine a plate of General Tso's chicken over noodle stir-fry in a take-out carton. Only without the chicken. And with General Tso's eyeballs. And the noodles are cold and chewy. Ew.

Gross-out factor: 8

•Monster Goo (50 cents, CVS pharmacy)

This had so much going for it, not the least of which is the name. "Goo" is the Swiss Army Knife of icky, amorphous, creepy words. Add "monster" to it and you have either something scary or an energy drink. But the rest of the package lets you down with claims of "Only 6 calories per pack" and "Sugar-free!" and "Candy made in the USA!" Who cares about that stuff on Halloween? Oh, right. Patriotic Richard Simmons.

Gross-out factor: 2

•Gummy Heart/Gummy Brain/Gummy Face ($5, Walmart)

Clearly, gummy candy is to Halloween what candy hearts are to Valentine's. Walmart's shelves are Stepfordlike normal in their preponderance of safe "fun size" treats. They go off the charts on these three giant, morbidly life-size Freak Street versions of body parts. Eat the brain, you'll feel like a zombie. Eat the heart, and you'll feel like Hannibal Lecter. Eat the face and it will seem like you're dining on "Robocop."

Gross-out factor: CALL 9-1-1!!!!