If you're having mood swings, swing back

Newspapers recently reported that the antidepressant Prozac can help women who suffer from PMS, mood swings and maybe even the desire to eat lots of chocolate. Obviously, if women are fighting severe symptoms every month, they should seek a physician's help.But after hearing women complain for the past 40 years, I have doubts.

When I was a young girl dealing with adolescent changes, my mother and grandmother taught me that a woman's cycle is natural. They said being "snippy," Mom's favorite word for teenage volatility, was not to be blamed on one's body. Perhaps as a result, I have never exhibited a single symptom of anything that would require Prozac.

No matter what my husband thinks.

I also can remember girlfriends in junior high, whining each month to get out of school, work and other responsibilities.

I was jealous of them, so I tried it.

"You're not feeling cramps," Mom said.

I moaned, groaned, and blinked as if trying to focus through the pain.

"What?" I asked.

"Your uterine wall is breaking down and moving through your body. Reproductive organs cleanse themselves every 28 days. Exercise, eat right and drink plenty of water so you won't feel so bloated and bad. This isn't anything mysterious. You're feeling your body working properly."

I thought about that for a moment, weighing the deep desire to stay home and watch soap operas with an algebra test scheduled that day. I wasn't going to give up so easily.

"Tammy gets to stay home two days every month," I said, "and keep her feet elevated."

Mom made a familiar face. She had crinkled her nose in the exact same way three weeks earlier when I had asked to pierce my nose.

"Walk up and down our street for five minutes," she said. "If it really hurts, you probably need to do something besides sit in front of the television."

I stomped outside and walked around the block. I did feel better and hated that my mom was always right. I walked back into the house, pouting.

"I feel the same." I lied.

She stopped making breakfast and stared at me.

"Do you believe men and women are equal?" she asked.

I thought of my favorite T-shirt: "Anything boys can do, girls can do better."

I immediately stood up straight, threw back my shoulders and said, "Of course I do. I am a feminist and I believe ...""Then don't ask to be treated differently," Mom said. "Either we're equal or we're not. Gloria Steinem doesn't ask for sick days every month. Erma Bombeck doesn't beg for an extension and keep her feet elevated. They work hard every day, just like their male colleagues. You shouldn't ask for special treatment. Don't simply tell me what you believe about equal rights; show me. Now get to school."

I never complained about cramps again.

It's amazing what a walk around the block can cure.