Think your kid hangs out with a bunch of losers? Better look at your own pals before passing judgment.

Parental friendships can shape how children choose friends and establish their own set of values. An old high school friend who comes around drunk a little too often or a middle-aged brother who makes out with his significantly younger girlfriend on your couch could affect your child's choices in friends and in personal behavior.

"You want to be a good role model for your children," says Tampa psychologist Jennifer Mockler. "Who you choose as a friend is who you hope your child would choose.

Believe it or not, kids care what their parents say and do far more than their own peers, says Kimberly Renk, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Central Florida. That's because family is a permanent part of a child's life, unlike teachers or coaches or even classmates.

"Ultimately, the parent's values will carry far more weight," she says.

A national teen survey by the Horatio Alger Association found that adult family members are considered a role model 47 percent of the time, more than three times greater than other friends, teachers or celebrities. Mom and Dad in particular are the greatest influence.

"When you have a child, you have higher standards you need to live by," Mockler says.

New parents often adopt more mature behaviors by default. Meeting friends for happy hour every day after work is inappropriate and logistically impossible when you have kids in day care who need to be picked up. But couples don't always think about adjusting established relationships with people they know from high school and college, work or a softball league.

Psychologists say it's fine to invite pals from the bar over to watch a ball game - as long as they reflect values you want your kids to see. Just keep in mind that some of their behaviors - things you're willing to overlook as part of an adult friendship - may be seen differently through your children's eyes.

If you don't want smoking in the house, don't bend the rules for an old buddy or your sister. And if you know a friend is prone to losing control when he drinks too much, don't offer him a beer to be a good host. To a young child, his acting out is going to be really scary, Renk says. And, just as bad, your teenager may come to see it as acceptable behavior.

Excuses and avoidance are the worst ways to deal with bad role modeling, she says. Don't be afraid to talk with your kids - on an age-appropriate level - about those grown-up problems. More importantly, talk about them with your friends.

True friends will understand a request to adjust their behavior in front of your kids, says Mary Jo Rapini, a Houston psychotherapist and co-author of "Start Talking: A Girl's Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever" (Bayou Publishing, $14.95).

If pals protest, there may be more serious issues, such as addiction. If that's the case, Rapini says, you need to address that problem, too.

"Be a true friend instead of an enabler," she says.

Talking to a friend doesn't have to be a bridge burner, Mockler says. Sometimes, you're simply asking him or her to avoid the behavior in your home, or around your kids.

"You can confront them without making it seem like a confrontation," Mockler says. "There are ways of handling this."

You may choose to find alternative places to meet other than your house - or theirs, for that matter, if they insist it's their right to do whatever they want in their own home.

Role modeling, however, does not mean parents have to be prudes. Children should see parents modeling appropriate (and legal) adult behavior, such as drinking alcohol. Don't hide the wine at dinner because you worry 10-year-old Junior will be tempted to imbibe.

"They can see you have a glass of wine," Mockler says. "You don't have to have a glass of milk with dinner because that's what your 4-year-old should do."