It's back-to-school time for bullies, too

It's back-to-school time, and my children are filled with the usual apprehension, wondering whether they'll have time for basketball amidst all the studying, writing and reading that's required. They also worry about cafeteria food, and whether middle-school girls are nice.

These are normal concerns.

What about kids who have these worries on top of more serious issues? What about the boy who gets beat up for wearing the wrong pair of shoes? What about the girl who can't sleep at night because classmates harass her for liking other girls?

Thanks to anti-bullying campaigns, students and teachers are aware of warning signs, and that has led to more interventions and fewer incidents.

But bullies exist in every stage of life, from elementary school through college and even in some professional settings. Learning how to deal with them at a young age is best because the longer it takes us to find our backbone, the less chance there is that we'll use it.

What can parents do to ensure that their kids are neither bullies nor victims? How can we raise them to embrace leadership roles, discouraging others from bullying, too?

If I knew that formula, I'd sell it to some members of Congress and retire to Key West.

Parenting is an art as much as a science, but I've talked with a few experts, including fellow parents, former bullies and victims, to compile this list of helpful hints for anyone who deals with meanies on a regular basis.

Parents should start years ahead of time and instill some worth in their kids when they're babies. Respond to needs, show empathy and compassion, use kind and loving words — this helps your baby grow into a secure and confident child, one who won't be easily bullied or feel the need to bully others.

Kids must walk with their heads up and make eye contact. If they have self-confidence, they won't allow others to take it away so easily.

Ignoring less aggressive bullies helps victims pretend they don't care until they no longer have to pretend.

Create a haven at home. Let your kids cry it out and feel safe.

Every school should have anti-bullying groups and policies. There is strength in numbers, and bullies are less likely to attack a crowd.

If your kids are not victimized in school, encourage them to take on leadership roles. Require them to step up if they see someone getting hurt. Show that you value such heroism by talking with reverence about those who help victims of cruelty in your community.

Self-defense methods, such as jiu jitsu, are a last resort, but when all else fails, a well-timed and forceful defense almost always takes cowardly bullies by surprise.

Teach your kids to laugh. Using humor is how I got through those years when kids made fun of my braces, big hair and pale skin. Today, I've found a stylist who doesn't frighten easily, I smile with straight teeth and my skin doesn't look like leather.

The future is just as promising for your kids, too.