How to handle bad news from the doctor

Is anything more frightening than getting older? Perhaps running out of diapers the day your twins discover raisins. Unfortunately, age isn't something we outgrow.

Stranded in the suburbs of northern Hillsborough County, I began writing and blogging as a way to explore all that is fun and frustrating about parenthood. A liberal Jewish vegetarian has to do something with herself besides stare at Confederate flags and Weber grills all day.

Recently, I turned 40, and my body went on strike. From head to toe, it rebelled against me, telling in aches and pains exactly what it thought of my tofu shakes and yoga. Mom wishes I'd write about cookie recipes and my husband would love a backrub, but writing about the journey into middle age is much more entertaining.

And frightening.

So here we go.

As we enter our 40s, most modern women forget that no matter how many salads we eat or Wii Fit games we play from the couch with a cocktail in hand, certain body parts have a way of breaking down. Yes, we are more active and enjoy better health than our mothers and grandmothers, but we still can't outrun age and everything that comes with it.

The yearly well-woman exam with our favorite gynecologist can yield terrifying news. If you get the dreaded phone call, here are some ways to handle an abnormal pap smear.

(This isn't just for my girls, by the way. Men who happen upon this article because they are trying to find a column about Tim Tebow's favorite TV shows shouldn't squirm or get too uncomfortable. An abnormal pap smear might happen to one of your girls, and then you should know how to help, for a change.)

Dolls, if you get a phone call from your doctor saying you have atypical cells swimming around up there, and need to be scheduled for a colposcopy, here are some helpful hints.

Cry it out. Take about 10 minutes to fall apart. Exercising, sex, hitting someone or crying (and sometimes all four at the same time) can be great stress relief.

Take a deep breath. Don't spend too much time feeling sorry for yourself. Somewhere, someone has been through worse and gotten through it. Toughen up, cupcake.

Count to 10. With all the emphasis on the relationship between certain STDs and cervical cancer, you might get the urge to call every man you've ever known. Don't. Abnormal pap smears, dysplasia and cervical cancer - these things happen to good girls and bad alike. Trying to figure out why is as useful as trying to determine who sneezed in your presence last month.

Allow yourself some time. Intrinsically, we know eating right and exercising can only minimize, not eliminate, risk. Yet it is jarring and disheartening to face such proof in the form of potentially bad news from your doctor. Take a few days to get used to the idea that you, too, are human.

Get away from Google. Whenever you put in a search term that deals with health-related issues, the results are cancer and death. Always. Instead of going online, just skip right to the nervous breakdown. Save some time.

Talk about it. Millions of women have to deal with this issue every day; chances are you know some of them. Ask around. You will discover an entire support system, lovely ladies who will let you vent, cry, worry and vow to overcome. Your favorite men will, as well. Their support, prayers and positive thoughts are worth more than you know.

Learn from this. A good scare helps us realize that those who are in our lives deserve the best while we can continue to give it. Focus on that. Spiritually, personally, physically - getting scared can remind us of what's truly important.

Don't give up. If you're like me, you make careful and healthy lifestyle choices. Yet, we still have to deal with this nonsense sooner or later. The urge to slurp on a margarita or 10 and forgo the exercise routine is tempting. But my doctor said these issues might have popped up 10 years earlier if I didn't take good care of myself. Eating right, exercise and regular checkups not only can help postpone dire diagnoses, they also can quicken recovery time. So let's not get fat and lazy anytime soon.

Keep in mind that you are a work in progress. I got my phone call back in August and felt foggy about it for weeks. My biopsy was scheduled, and so I tried to accept that life is what we make of it and the rest is simply not up to us. There will be good days and bad days.

Remember, "That which does not kill us, makes us bitter."