A column Rays' Sternberg, Mayor Foster can't refuse

Column

So the Tampa Bay Rays' owner and St. Petersburg mayor have met.

Was that really so difficult?

Apparently nothing earthshaking emerged between Rays owner Stu Sternberg and St. Petersburg mayor Bill "Secret Plan" Foster. Here's a tip: When people start talking up a meeting between a baseball owner and a mayor as if it was Yalta, beware.

We still have no idea if the Rays are going to get a new joint, or where it will be, and what this mayor's end game is other than not being the mayor who let the Rays leave. That's going to take the magic word: Lawyers.

Yes, things have been testy at times, but at least none of the following has ever been said — yet:

"I can't remember the last time you invited me to your dome for a cup of coffee, even though my wife is godmother to your only child."

"If you had come to me in friendship, then these people who ruined your waterfront ballpark would be suffering this very day. And if by chance a man like you should make enemies, they would become my enemies — and then they will fear you."

"You can act like a man!"

"Leave the gun, take the stadium blue prints."

"What did he say — badda-beep, badda-boop, badda-boop, badda-beep — he wants us to send Matt Silverman to hear the proposition, and the promise is, the joint has a retractable roof so good we can't refuse."

"They're gonna search me for a secret plan to keep the Rays when I first meet Sternberg, right? So I can't have a secret plan on me. But if Clemenza can find a way to have a secret plan to keep the Rays planted there for me …"

"What guarantees could I give you, Mayor? I am the hunted one! You think too much of me, kid — I'm not that clever. All I want is a truce."

"They got Maddon on the skyway — he's gone."

"I want no acts of vengeance. I want you to arrange a meeting with the heads of the St. Petersburg, Clearwater and Tampa city councils. This war stops now."

"No, I buy you out, you don't by me out? Do you know who I am? I'm Bill Foster. I made my secret plan when you were going out with cheerleaders!"

"Stu, can you get me off the hook, for old time's sake?"

"Can't do it, Billy."

"The downtown Tampa stadium is dead. So is the fairgrounds site … Dale Mabry … Westshore … Cuneo … Today I settle all family business, so don't tell me you're innocent, Stu ... Now, who was it who approached you, Iorio or Buckhorn?"

"It was Buckhorn."

"Mayor, we're both part of the same hypocrisy. But never think it applies to my family."

"So when the ballpark deal turned up dead, I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen … I didn't ask who gave the order … because it has nothing to do with business."

"I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everyone says, not dumb, I'm smart! I'm mayor and I want respect!"

"Bill, you know, you surprise me. If anything in life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it's that any stadium lease can be broken."

OK, OK, that's it. I absolutely have to stop staying up late watching the "Godfather" movies before I write about Rays stadium stuff.

And may your first column be a masculine column …