Stressed in the Big Guava?

Column

Comfy? Take a minute if you need to and get yourself another cup of coffee. All of that "Sturm und Drang" outside your front door can wait. You need to get your act together.

Did you catch that story a few days ago about the Tampa Bay region being named the most stressful "city" in the country by another survey? Of course, the survey is already under suspicion for declaring Tampa, St. Petersburg and Clearwater as one city, but you've already had to deal with that.

And it's not like the pressure isn't on us, what with hundreds of media critics in town this week for the Republican debate and thousands more expected this summer for the Republican National Convention.

The city is going nuts, planning light shows, getting the homeless off the streets, paving over potholes and doing whatever it can to look like a big-time metropolis.

Like most surveys of that ilk, you can pretty much figure whoever churned that one out doesn't live here. There are other places in this country I would get stressed out just thinking about visiting, much less living in.

I get stressed out about 60 miles outside of Atlanta because I know there are 2 million crazies circling the perimeter roads waiting to tailgate out-of-towners at 90 miles an hour as they try to get through town.

You don't know stress until you've driven into Washington, D.C., and tried to park. If you do find a space, you'll have to be careful not to get run over by a congressman trying to get out of town.

Anyhow, this survey was apparently based on numbers. It says our 28.3 minutes of average commute time and our 12.3 percent divorce rate, along with 11.8 percent unemployment, add up to a stressful life.

I don't know. I suppose we could work more from home, which would improve the commute time. But that might also jack up the divorce rate.

Still, I can think of a few factors the survey didn't mention that might also weigh heavily on our stressful lives.

Like the Bucs.

For some reason, nobody you've heard of wants to be their coach. Is it collective bad breath or maybe something else?

The last I heard they were talking to Newt Gingrich, telling him if that presidential thing doesn't work out he could at least come up with some good halftime talks.

And we have the Rays.

They have a good manager and team, but nobody wants to go to the games at the Trop. This week there was even a proposal to run a commuter train up and down Pinellas County just to get people to the ballpark.

Why not just send taxis to everyone's homes? It might be cheaper.

So does all that make us the most stressed-out city in America? I think any place where you can start your day over Cuban toast and coffee in West Tampa, sneak off to catch some spring baseball on a weekday and then come home and sit outside wearing shorts and sipping a margarita while firing up burgers on the grill will bust any stress.