In Insurance Talks, Beware The Jabberwock

Perhaps you, too, are curious, as are members of a state Senate select committee, how it is possible after the Florida Legislature voted to lower property insurance rates this year, why is it companies such as Allstate Floridian are still raising the costs for homeowners?

You probably would get a better deal protecting your home through the Darfur Janjaweed rebels.

This week, a pinstripe of suits from Allstate and Nationwide Insurance testified before the oxymoronically titled Senate Select Committee on Property Insurance Accountability to explain why efforts to drive down home insurance rates, including putting the state on the hook for an additional $12 billion in reinsurance coverage, were having less effect than trying to get Charles Manson to cheer up.

Marcel Marceau was more forthcoming.

One way to explain the issue would be to produce all sorts of pie charts, bar graphs, PowerPoint presentations and zig-zaggy stuff demonstrating weather patterns, profit and loss statements and all manner of stultifying actuarial blather.

Calculate The Blorp Snort

Or, one can easily understand that rates never dipped because after the Legislature acted, the companies simply looked at the legislation and (how to put this in Wharton business school terminology?) said, "Go &*#%@$&% yourself." Or words to that effect.

During the hearing before the Senate Select Committee on Lower Insurance Rates - Isn't That Precious? - the executives tried to explain that costs continued to go up because the kalidnoid wasn't in harmony with the ferpil and under those circumstances it was impossible to calculate the final blorp snort until it was precisely known what impact future klarns may have on the smok-smok.

It was as simple as that.

Other insurance company jabberwockies are to testify before the committee, but nobody should expect them to be any more candid than a guy who looks like Sasquatch trying to pass himself off as George Clooney in the vain hope of getting lucky on eHarmony.com.

Under Oath

The clutch of attache cases appearing before the committee were all required to be under oath before they testified.

It was a nice touch, but in insisting the insurance company swells tell the truth, the committee pretty much assured the responses would be less intelligible than Joe Cocker and Bob Dylan having a long conversation over dinner together.

The problem with telling the truth is - telling the truth.

Did any state lawmaker on the Senate Select Committee for Being Played for Chumps expect any of the expense account of executives to admit (under oath?!?) that they raised rates and will continue to raise rates because - they can?

And if showing up from time to time before a bunch of Tallahassee political eunuchs to be hectored and nagged and pestered makes people feel like they have some small, delusional influence over insurance rates, well so be it.

Ridicule is merely the cost of doing business. The suits are more than used to it.