There Was That Time In Athens

It has always been the full-service intent of this space to provide you beloved, loyal, wonderful readers the opportunity to experience the full range of Joan Crawfordesque emotions when sampling these humble scribblings.

"Just when I think your column cannot hit any lower, you surprise me every time," fumed the ever bubbly grammacarolf16. Well, just think of it as part of my boyish charm.

Grammacarolf16 (say, I bet that looks snazzy on a business card) was aggrieved over a recent column suggesting I hardly needed the homophobic, misleadingly titled "Marriage Protection Amendment" banning gay marriage to protect my union with the Bombshell of the Balkans.

"I pray you and your Sunflower will turn from your wicked ways, repent and pray to God," she wrote.

Frankly, I have no idea what wicked ways grammacarolf16 was referring to, although there was that one time in Athens after too many shots of grappa ... but that's another story.

That Liberal Media

Another recent column on the Republican National Committee dropping $150,000 in campaign contributions on buying high-end designer frocks for vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin brought, as you might imagine, no shortage of responses along the lines that I am a lousy, stinking, liberal commie pinko for noticing the misuse of funds.

"The only reason Ms. Palin is in a pickle," sniffed pacfandave, "is because the liberal media, desperate to elect the country's first affirmative action candidate, has made a big deal of her wardrobe.

"However she dresses, she still has more executive experience than does the Socialist-Democratic candidate," pacfandave pouted.

First, I have no idea how a political candidate who won his party's nomination by winning more votes than his opposition can be referred to in race-baiting terms such as "affirmative action."

And since Barack Obama has never called for the government takeover of the means of production and distribution of goods, the classic definition of socialism, I don't see how the term applies here. But perhaps pacfandave is a product of Florida public schools.

Oh, almost forgot, when this space took Hillsborough County Commissioner Kevin White to task for doing exactly the same thing the RNC did for Palin, using campaign funds to buy clothes, those columns were met with universal approval. Well, political double standards have always been fashionable.

Winner And Still Chump!

Lastly, if this space had a "Chump of the Week Award," certainly not only would Barbie Neurohr be a front-runner for the dubious honor, she might very well retire it.

Neurohr passed along one of those half-witted viral e-mails tailor-made for an audience that barely knows it's alive, which explains how it wound up in Neurohr's mailbox.

This one had to do with a claim that Barack Obama would change the national anthem to "I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing," as well as the suggestion the Democratic presidential nominee happily attended several flag-burning ceremonies. Sigh.

When it was pointed out to Neurohr that this piffle had been debunked repeatedly on numerous Web sites and that it might be a good idea for her to send out a subsequent e-mail correcting her willingness to be scammed, she declined.

"I don't believe I need to correct this," Neurohr wrote. "I've seen it several times."

You know, it's never too early to start drinking heavily.