Beepball lineup is sure to win

It is one of those records in the annals of sport that defy understanding.

I mean, we've come so close. There have been years when the difference has been one or two runs. A bad bounce here, a decent call there and it could have gone the other way.

But the bare and awful truth is it hasn't.

For 23 years - 23 long years - the Media All Stars, under my coaching leadership, have lost the annual Beepball game to the Tampa Lighthouse for the Blind.

Saturday morning all of that is going to change. You read it here. At 10 a.m. at the New York Yankees Community Field (right next to Steinbrenner Field), my re-tooled and highly motivated squad will step out onto the finely manicured grass and face off against the Lighthouse squad, led once again by Lee Kimbrell.

Hit the beeping ball

Beepball is a game where the object is to hit a softball-sized ball that is beeping as it is thrown. You have to hit it while blindfolded. In the highly unlikely event you do hit the ball, you then have to find your way to first base, which also is beeping, before the other team finds and picks up the ball.

Through the years, I've peppered my squad with professional baseball players, a few hockey players, some pro wrestlers, judges, lawyers, police officers, firefighters and even Bucified Bert and I'm not quite sure what he is. Pinetop Peterson of the Quivering Rhythm Hounds band has even brought out his mysterious "mojo hand" in a giant jug he sets up behind home plate - all to no avail.

The lineup

Saturday's lineup includes the likes of former WTVT anchor Frank Robertson, WFLA's chief weather guy Steve Jerve and Trib TV critic Walt Belcher. Alicia Roberts, who does the morning traffic on WFLA and maybe the only person on the squad who can hit the ball, is back. Also returning is our food guy, Jeff "The Mountain" Houck.

The legendary Tedd Webb, who has been battling all sorts of illnesses, says he will rise up and at least be there, as well as Tampa Bay Rays' executive Rick Nafe who has promised to give the squad hitting tips.

Trib editor Bayard Steele, who claims to have been a baseball star at Washington and Lee, will start, as well as Trib sports columnists Joe Henderson and Martin Fennelly, both anxious to prove they can play as well as write. Editorial chief Joe Guidry will also play to add some dignity to the team, at least until he swings the bat. Pinetop and his weird mojo hand will, of course, be there. You'll recognize Pinetop in his Nebraska corncob hat.

Right now our chief strategy is trying to keep the Lighthouse's star Kimbrell from showing up. He has scored the winning run in the last dozen games we have played. We have a plan I can't give away here, that will send him to the wrong park.

The game is a fundraiser for the Lighthouse, which does so much to assist those with vision problems to function both at home and in the workplace. It will cost a couple of bucks to get into the game, but afterward you can try your luck at hitting that blasted beeping ball yourself. And, of course, you will get to be on hand when the media all stars snap that 23 year losing streak. I can feel it.