Collaborative divorce eases some of the pain

Divorce can be one of the most painful and divisive events of a person's lifetime, but a group of Tampa Bay area professionals is working to change that experience.

A growing number of local lawyers, mental health experts and financial advisers are training in a practice known as collaborative divorce, a meeting of the minds that aims to transform divorcing couples into partners in parenting.

"It's a much more civilized process," said Nancy Harris, co-chairwoman of the Tampa Bay Collaborative Divorce Group, a group of professionals committed to keeping divorce out of court while helping couples keep their cool.

"They usually walk out being able to talk to each other."

Collaborative divorce brings couples and their attorneys to the negotiating table along with a mental health expert and a financial professional, usually a certified public accountant. Both parties agree upfront to peaceably settle custody and financial issues out of court, with professionals involved to help resolve inevitable conflicts as they arise.

"It's just question of how you do it. Do you do it collaboratively? Or do you do it with litigation?" said Ky Koch, Harris' co-chairman of the group.

Michelle and Tom Gesky of Minneapolis shared their collaborative divorce story on NBC's "Today" show. The couple remain friendly.

"I wanted to keep whatever was left of the relationship as intact as possible," Tom Gesky said.

The divorce was Michelle Gesky's second. She said it minimized the effect on her children.

"They don't feel the repercussions the same way, and I've seen the difference in my older children," she said.

National experts in collaborative law recently trained Bay area professionals at a two-day seminar at the InterContinental Tampa hotel.

One of the trainers, Linda Solomon, a Dallas-based family therapist who has participated in about 200 collaborative cases, said the kinder, gentler approach to divorce is growing in popularity.

"I hope through satisfied clients and word of mouth that the collaborative approach to divorce is going to be the norm," Solomon said.

Children benefit most from settling out of court, said family therapist Sharon Miller of Tampa.

"The court process is very, very hard on families," said Miller, who has been involved in about 10 local collaborative divorce cases.

Tampa CPA Mike Lewis said he has consulted in about 20 local collaborative cases, adding that financial issues are often the toughest to resolve.

"Their needs are reviewed, and we can put out different options for a possible settlement," Lewis said.

Koch said collaborative divorce is typically less expensive than traditional divorce because it avoids court time and costs. But the biggest benefit, he said, has nothing to do with money.

"One of the things I tell clients is that the advantage of a collaborative divorce is that you will be able to sit in a pew next to your spouse at your daughter's wedding," Koch said. "In litigated cases, that doesn't happen very often."

For more on collaborative divorce, watch News Channel 8 at 11 tonight.